another new place

well. never been here before. forty two, single, childless, best-friendless, poor. extremely overweight, unhealthy, stessed out. dreamless. alone again all day on a saturday with no plans. no passion for anyone or anything. medicated, though, so not utterly depressed and despairing.

it's december 13th, 12 days before christmas and not one single decoration up. not one gift bought. not one card sent.

what's going on with me? what in the world?
every year i think it's going to get better--that this year will be different. that this year will finally be the one when i'll meet someone, lose weight, feel like i belong.

i hope i didn't give this blog site to anyone. would hate for anyone to read how pitiful my life is.

keep breathing. one day at a time. one foot in front of the other. keep playing the game. and pray for a miracle. please, God.

Comes the Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in midflight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much,
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn. . . and you learn
With every goodbye you learn.
---author unknown